How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
