my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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