i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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