Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
