how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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