He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
