I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
