We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
