Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
