Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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