im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
