thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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