Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
