Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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