I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
