She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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