The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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