Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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