Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
