i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
