i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
