Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
