People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
