I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
