at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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