it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
