Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
