He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
