you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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