I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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