Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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