that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this just has baby written all over it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
