My friends, they love my intelligence
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
