Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
