check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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