3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
