Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
