Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
