Having a random hookup so left but love u
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
