it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
