Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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