are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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