she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i now understand why vodka
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
