Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
