I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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