Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
