I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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