Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
