I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
