i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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