They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
