Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
