Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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