She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
