Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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