She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
