Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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