He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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