sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
