Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
