Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
