Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
