I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
