Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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