Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
