I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
