Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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