he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We are two peas in an std pod
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
