is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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